


An Ounce of Relief

by AoSfangirl81



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Coda Challenge @The FitzSimmons Network, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, post 4x21
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 02:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10912845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AoSfangirl81/pseuds/AoSfangirl81
Summary: A continuation of the module scene from 4x21.





	An Ounce of Relief

**Author's Note:**

> This was hastily posted and quickly written to get it out before tomorrow's finale. Apologies for any errors or mistakes.
> 
> Enjoy!

Jemma doesn’t know how long they sit there, holding each other, absorbing each other’s tears and pain until it mixes together and they can no longer tell what belongs to whom. They just know intrinsically that it is _theirs_. The pain is different for each of them, with their own individual traumas to work through, but they cannot help but want to carry each other’s burdens as their own, like the unbreakable unit that they are. _Unbreakable._ Jemma grips tightly to that thought as she stares warily down the road they have ahead of them.

Fitz’s breathing begins to slow a bit as he wipes away the latest wave of tears on his sleeve. He slowly begins to look up at Jemma, gaze lowered until the very last moment to allow her all the time in the world to look away like he expects her to. She keeps her gaze firm, but soft as his eyes meet hers, putting all of her energy into conveying the love she feels for him. They finally meet, blue eyes full of pain and regret and heartbreak, brown eyes full of a different kind of pain and heartbreak, both full of love. His eyes widen in surprise and he’s only able to hold her gaze for a second before his face crumbles again and a new wave of sobs erupt through him. This time he turns fully towards her, burying his head in her neck as the tears fall. She wraps her arms around him and tries to find more room in her heart for his pain.

He suddenly becomes overwhelmed with the need to erase the last thing he said to her, feels the words bursting through him with a force he can barely believe is possible given how utterly exhausted he is. “You mean _everything_ to me,” he whispers into her neck. She smiles and places a lingering kiss on his temple, willing it to bury its way into his brain, his heart, to sooth some of the hurt, fill in some of the gaping wounds.

He stiffens and pulls back, “No.” He moves over on the bench to create space between them and turns away from her, huddled. “I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve you. The things I did…” He takes a deep breath and looks back up to her, eyes full of shame and guilt, still only able to hold her gaze for a second before his eyes move to the floor. “You don’t have to be nice to me just because...because of what we _had_ …”

Jemma takes a breath, letting the tiny shards of fear and panic make their way through her heart. He doesn’t know she was listening before, she reminds herself. This is the first conversation they’ve had. She knows she needs to choose her words carefully, but there’s so much at stake that her voice shakes when she starts. “Fitz…” she whispers, moving closer to him and placing a cautious hand on his leg. She feels him stiffen under her touch, but he doesn’t move away, and she thanks the universe for these small victories, quickly recognizing that small victories will be what she lives and breathes by for a while. He still doesn’t look up, but she continues, “I love you. Now. Forever. Always. Why do you think I fought so hard in the Framework? I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We have so… so much to work through. And the world to save… again. But I’m here, next to you, always. We’ll fix this... together.”

He braves a small glance up at her, ready to argue, to push away, but he doesn’t have the energy to fight her. He considers it a weakness now, the fact that he’s letting himself believe her, that he wants to stay with her instead of leaving her to find someone else. In time he’ll realize it takes strength to love, to keep coming back and fighting together. But for now, he adds it to the growing list of sins that weigh him down. “Jemma…” he starts, not quite sure what else he can say, where to even start. “I… I don’t know how...” How to fix this, how he can look at himself in the mirror, how she can love him, how she can want to spend the rest of her life with him...his list is endless.

She nods. “I know. I don’t either. But we’ll figure it out.” She shrugs. “We have to.” Her courage and bravery and sheer belief in them knocks the wind out of his lungs and he can’t help but feel suffocated by it. He doesn’t deserve this kind of belief and faith. He’s not the man she deserves. But he wants to be. God, he wants it more than anything. So he nods, tears in his eyes as he stares at the floor. He can’t make any promises, not now, but he does make an oath with himself to do everything he can to try and be that man.

Jemma’s phone buzzes. It’s Daisy, telling them they’re needed, reminding them once again that saving the world is more important than protecting their own small one. “We’re needed in the other room,” she sighs. She turns to him and takes his hand, the small gesture causing waves of comfort, pain, love, guilt, and heartbreak to crash over him, almost sending him to tears once again. But they’re needed, he remembers, so he tries to hold onto the comfort and love and let the others wash over him. She turns to get up but then stops and turns to him again. “One more thing,” she starts, and how can it just be one more thing when there are a million more apologies he has to give, a million more sins to atone for? She takes a breath. “You’re not at all like Ward.” He opens his mouth to protest, ready to list all of the ways in which he’s just like him, but she squeezes his hand tighter and stops him. “Fitz, Ward never felt like this, never felt remorse or responsibility for what he’d done. He was always ready to blame someone else. This guilt you feel, the heartbreak, those are things Ward was never capable of. And that makes you a far better man than Grant Ward. Please, Fitz. Please always remember that.”

He let’s her words sink in and somehow, they’re the first words to burrow themselves just a little deeper past his guilt and shame and settle into his heart, the first words since he got back that provide him with just the slightest ounce of relief, soothing one of the thousands of cuts left there. He doesn’t know what to say, so he uses this new ounce of strength he’s gained to squeeze her hand and nod. He still has so many more tears to shed, apologies to give, nightmares of memories to sort through. But for now, he has just enough strength stand up and walk out of the module, hand in hand with Jemma, readying themselves for the next thing they face together.


End file.
